Lean In and Thank You

This post is dedicated to Lee Kolbert and Lean In:Women, Work and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg.

This past week I had parent/teacher/student conferences.  For those of you new to my blog, I teach fifth grade and my students come to parent conferences.  The focus is on them.  They do the talking, the adults do the listening.  By the time the conference is over, there is a plan for improvement and a general warm, fuzzy feeling of joy about the progress that has already been made.  

My last conference was with a student who is bright, hard working, caring.  All the things we want in a student. The only area of improvement I suggested was that I want to hear her voice more.  The boys in my room tend to take over the conversations and she is too "good" to call out her ideas along with the boys.  I know I could make it a rule that you have to raise your hand and wait to be called on before speaking but I really have difficulty running a class like that.  I like the give and take throughout the day.  But quiet children tend to get lost if I don't force the issue, which I do often.

Since her conference, I have been thinking a great deal about the "good" girls.  And it is mostly girls. The boys who are quiet are still more vocal than the girls who are quiet.  I need to find a way to inspire these girls to speak up, "Lean In", and be a part of the running of the class.  So I started to think about myself.

I know many of you will find this hard to believe, but, when I was in middle and high school, I was shy.  I never talked, unless I was called on.  I let others make all the decisions, tell me what I needed to do.  In fact, I was so quiet, kids thought I was a bitch.  That's what they told me once they got to know me.  They thought I felt superior since I didn't talk to them at all.  The reality is far from their beliefs.  I was so insecure and so shy I was sure that, if I did contribute, I would be laughed at.  So I just kept quiet.

Now, at age 50, I have no problems "Leaning In."  How did this come to be?  It really started with the creation of my online PLN.  I started to know amazing women.  Women who spoke out, who reached out, who were successful and vocal.  Women like Lee Kolbert, who always had so much to offer when I was stuck on some idea.  Like Vicki Davis, who was so successful and so sought after, but still so kind to little ole me.  Like Sheryl Nussbaum-Beach, who is able to run a successful organization, while still maintaining herself.  Like Refranz Davis, who breaks new ground each year and still laughs about her "faults."  Like Angela Maiers, who is a well sought after speaker who still wears amazing shoes. Like...like...like.

There are so many to name.  Stephanie and Karen and Julie and Donna and Toni and Lisa and Liz.  Women who are strong enough to speak up and down to earth enough to laugh at themselves and each other.  Where would I be without you all?  Probably still the bitch I was known to be.  I had no trouble standing up for my students but could never stand up for myself.  

So the advice I give to my girls now is to read about amazing women.  Even in fiction.  Sarah from Sarah, Plain and Tall, is a fiesty woman from the 1800s who tells her husband what she wants and gets it.  And he still loves her.  They need to hear that.

But to all the women still leaning back....it is time.  Lean in, speak up, move forward.  This world is so screwed up.  We need compassionate, strong women to start taking over.  And men to support them when they do. 
 

Thank you to all my women friends...those who Lean In and those who are waiting still to learn.  I would not be where I am today without you!

                                              

Let's Learn About Each Other - Or At Least Have Fun

Thanks to my good friend, Lee Kolbert, I now have a blog to post.  I have been feeling very guilty about not having an idea for a long time. This meme is a great way for me to get moving and for us all to learn about each other.

Be sure to read all the way to the end because YOU may have been tagged to do this on your own blog.

Here's how it works:

1. Acknowledge the nominating blogger.
2. Share 11 random facts about yourself.
3. Answer the 11 questions the nominating blogger has created for you.
4. List 11 bloggers.
5. Post 11 questions for the bloggers you nominate to answer, and let all the bloggers know they have been nominated. Don't nominate a blogger who has nominated you.

11 Random Facts About Me

1. I never should have gone to high school.  It was a total waste for me.  But I would love to go now and learn what I missed.
2. I love to talk.  Okay, anyone who knows me knows that but I really do love to have conversations.
3. I live 1 mile away from where I grew up.
4. When I graduated college, I ran from New York and moved to Texas for a year.  I found out I really like New York.
5. I have always wanted to dress up for an event and be the person who everyone looks at (in a positive way) when I walk into the room.
6. I dream of writing a book about my classroom.  I am just waiting for the perfect story to happen.
7. I was always horrible at math.  I never understood the reasons why I did anything in math so none of it made sense.  I am a really good math teacher because I learned the why.
8. I was the kid in school most hated by teachers.  I chewed gum, read and/or talked all day, and never organized anything.
9. I have a beautiful Bengal cat, named Sunshine, who, I believe, is autistic.
10. I hate going anywhere alone.  I feel very insecure, as if everyone is wondering why I have no one to be with.
11. I love trying new foods and will take any opportunity to do so.

11 Answers to Lee's Questions

1. What did you always want to "be" when you grew up?  I really always wanted to be a teacher...or a famous singer.  But you need musical talent for that one.
2. What kind of car do you currently drive?  I drive a Honda Civic Hybrid.
3. What would most people be surprised to find out about you? I have been teaching since I was 21 years old and fresh out of college with my bachelor's degree.  I have worked every year and every summer since I graduated.  That was 28 years ago.
4. How much time passes between the time when you wake up and your check your phone? I keep my phone plugged in downstairs so I get myself ready first.  It takes about an hour.  But I check my Facebook, twitter, and email responses on my IPad as soon as I wake up.
5. When did you last write a blogpost? I'm ashamed to say my last blog was written in September.
6. Do you suffer from Imposter Syndrome?  No.  I really am not as qualified as others believe I am.
7. What would you do if you were not afraid? I always wanted to go hang gliding but I really want to live more than I want to hang glide.
8. What's the most bizarre food you've ever eaten? Frog's legs?  Tongue? Snails?  Take your pick. 
9. Do you still live in the town where you grew up? Yes, but not because I loved it growing up.
10. If you have kids, do you let them run around in restaurants? (If you do, I hate you!) I never, ever let my daughter run around in a restaurant when she was young.  What she does now as an 18 year old is beyond my control.
11. What's your secret indulgence? I love watching detective shows like Rizzoli and Isles and Grimm.

Your 11 Questions

1. Where have you been outside of your country?

2. What is your favorite quote?

3. Have you ever been to a live concert? If so, whose?

4. What was your favorite book when you were a child?

5. What movie do you think everyone should see and why?
6. What do you do when no one else is around?
7. What are you better at than almost everyone you know?
8. If you had one hour to live and money was no object, what would you do?
9. What is the craziest thing you've ever done?
10. What do you love about where you live? 
11. What is your secret indulgence?

Please come back here and comment if you post a blog.  I chose people I haven't connected with in a while and miss or people I just love to hear from.  And if I didn't tag you (it doesn't mean I don't love to hear from you) and you want to do this anyway, feel free and comment here so I can find out more about you.

1. Donna Roman
2. Karen McMillan
3. Stacy Kasse
4. Karen Janowski
5. Maire O'Keefe
6. Andrea Keller
7. James Cowper
8. Paul Bogush
9. Amy Mayer
10. Thomas Whitby
11. Jenny Luca

Rock Stars and the Rest

This post is a response to Michelle Baldwin's Post - No More Rock Stars.  You might want to read that first.

When I started teaching in 1985, I left school feeling like an expert.  I was smart.  I was well trained.  I had done well in student teaching.  I was ready.  Of course, as you all know from your own experiences, I knew nothing about teaching.  I needed help to deal with parents, administrators, other teachers, difficult students, time management.  You name it, I struggled with it.  And I am forever grateful to all the wonderful people who helped me make it through.

By 1988, I was in my third school.  Each school had different ways of running and so I needed support each time I moved.  Different grade?  More support.  Different curriculum?  More support.  New ways of teaching?  More support? Testing?  You guessed it.  I don't think there has ever been a time in my life when I didn't look towards, and depend on, others to help me get by.  
ISTE 2013 is over and it was, as always, exhilarating and educational.  But, since I've been home, and even while I was there, the same message seems to be floating around.  We need to stop thinking of others as rock stars and recognize that we all have something to offer.We need to eliminate the elitist mentality of the education world. 

Ok...I do agree that there should be no elitist mentality.  We all have something to offer.  But I don't agree about the rock stars.  You see, I need rock stars.  I need to know that there are people I can learn from. People who are doing more than me...who are doing what I am trying to do better than me...who are trying things I have not even heard of yet.  To me, those are rock stars and I am honored to be able to speak with them and learn from them every chance I get.

I also like to think of myself as a rock star.  Steve Dembo even called me one, once.  I want to recognize, and be proud of that fact, that I am better than some, with...project based learning...managing children...universal design...time management.  (Just a note: I am reading Lean In,  by Sheryl Sandberg, and am trying out pride for my achievements.  It feels like bragging and feels wrong but I'm sticking with it.)  If I wasn't better than some, then it would mean I haven't learned much in 28 years.  And I certainly know that I have.  I am not the same teacher I was 28 years ago. I am not even the same teacher I was 5 years ago.  In fact, last year I had a very unique year, where, things I had been trying for years, finally worked.  

 So how does that make me a rock start?  Well, to myself it doesn't.  To my close PLN, it doesn't.  But to teachers just starting to attempt those things I have finally mastered, I am a rock star.  I am a rock star in teaching the same way my best friend is my rock star when it comes to mastering patience.  The same way my daughter is a rock star when it comes to being more altruistic.  The same way Lee Kolbert is a rock star when it comes to managing an online relationship tactfully.  The same way Adina Sullivan is a rock star when it comes to learning how to deal with children in poverty.  The same way Paul Bogush is a rock star when it comes to being more political in education.  The same way Michelle Baldwin is a rock star when it comes to thinking deeply about others.  The same way.....


Yeah, I like being a rock star.  I also love that I have rock stars to emulate.  How would I ever improve if I didn't?  Who is your rock star?  Who are you a rock star for?